If there was a simple path to the life I romanticize about I would have been there already. For now I only peak into what I quest for. Anything can take me for a moment into that place which I long to exist in. Most frequently I catch a moment of it, or the hope of it, during a song. More accurately it is always fleeting.
I have learned to accept the moment for what it is and take it in. There is no use in clawing at it in hopes of catching and retaining it. That is the key to the greatest things in life. You cannot force them into a corner. You cannot take a piece of this experience and make it static. The only constant is change.
When I envision what it [my romanticized version of life] should look like, I never see the same thing twice. That may seem self defeating. It is like running towards a line that keeps moving, but that is the beauty of it. Each day I change and so to must my goals, aspirations, and ideals.
As much as we all long for something to hold onto, I suggest we let go. Embrace the moment, but do not grow attached. There is beauty in the breakdown. Struggles will define us. It is so much harder to cut our losses and rebuild then to stick it out all the way to the bottom. Life is a journey. After accepting it, disappointment does not feel the same any longer. There is so much more to life than the details.
So romanticize, dream, and chase after things that are intangible. Be yourself, find your own way, and share the experience with others. We are alone, but we are surrounded.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Biking
I have started training for a Century. That is, a100 mile bike ride. Last night was great, with a few exceptions. I rode over 12 miles in 53 minutes. The terrain includes some hills and I felt great. The catch was the adrenaline rush as I dodged debris on dark roads with tight corners sometimes at 25 miles an hour or faster. I was lucky I did not crash. I have learned my lesson though. Next time I will wear a helmet for sure.
I am currently riding an early eighties huffy road bike that was salvaged (from a dumpster). I am looking for a nice road bike, but I am making due with what I have for now. The goal is to ride 93 miles this week. I am stoked. As part of my renewed bicycling enthusiasm I am reading one of lance Armstrong’s books and joining biking forums. Luckily I live in Portland. This city embraces bikers and I could not ask to happen upon a better place to take up serious cycling. So as I browsed and joined one of the local forums I saw a thread that I have to share.
http://bikeportland.org/forum/showthread.php?t=2509
I am currently riding an early eighties huffy road bike that was salvaged (from a dumpster). I am looking for a nice road bike, but I am making due with what I have for now. The goal is to ride 93 miles this week. I am stoked. As part of my renewed bicycling enthusiasm I am reading one of lance Armstrong’s books and joining biking forums. Luckily I live in Portland. This city embraces bikers and I could not ask to happen upon a better place to take up serious cycling. So as I browsed and joined one of the local forums I saw a thread that I have to share.
http://bikeportland.org/forum/showthread.php?t=2509
Biking
I have started training for a Century. That is, a100 mile bike ride. Last night was great, with a few exceptions. I rode over 12 miles in 53 minutes. The terrain includes some hills and I felt great. The catch was the adrenaline rush as I dodged debris on dark roads with tight corners sometimes at 25 miles an hour or faster. I was lucky I did not crash. I have learned my lesson though. Next time I will wear a helmet for sure.
I am currently riding an early eighties huffy road bike that was salvaged (from a dumpster). I am looking for a nice road bike, but I am making due with what I have for now. The goal is to ride 93 miles this week. I am stoked. As part of my renewed bicycling enthusiasm I am reading one of lance Armstrong’s books and joining biking forums. Luckily I live in Portland. This city embraces bikers and I could not ask to happen upon a better place to take up serious cycling. So as I browsed and joined one of the local forums I saw a thread that I have to share.
http://bikeportland.org/forum/showthread.php?t=2509
I am currently riding an early eighties huffy road bike that was salvaged (from a dumpster). I am looking for a nice road bike, but I am making due with what I have for now. The goal is to ride 93 miles this week. I am stoked. As part of my renewed bicycling enthusiasm I am reading one of lance Armstrong’s books and joining biking forums. Luckily I live in Portland. This city embraces bikers and I could not ask to happen upon a better place to take up serious cycling. So as I browsed and joined one of the local forums I saw a thread that I have to share.
http://bikeportland.org/forum/showthread.php?t=2509
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Snow Again
Tonight I nearly took my moped for a ride to watch the Blazer game. I changed my mind at the last minute in fear that a rain storm might coalesce. I was wrong. It ended up being a snow storm.
Portland has had quite a bout with cold weather and snow this year. Personally, I am tired of it. I just want 40 degrees and rain please. Is that so much to ask for?
So the Blazers lost again. Brandon Roy did not play and will be out 7-10 more days. Outlaw couldn't hit a shot tonight. On the upside Batum played a great personal game; possibly his best of the season. My favorite player, Rudy Fernandez, had a disappointing start missing several three point attempts in a row. The third quarter was telling. We lost any chance of winning at that point. And to end on a better not, Aldridge was able to put up a double double.
I am just not sure how this group could beat Boston and then lose to N.O. and the Lakers. Maybe Boston is slipping. They did lose again tonight. Detroit will play us at home and I feel like we can pull this one out. Wither that or I will need to get some antidepressants.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Ironing
I workin in an office and I wear dress clothes each day. This is precisely why it is so curious that I do not know how to iron clothes. Do not fear, I do no twear wrinkly clothes to work. I have a steamer which has worked well for me. It does not yield the same product. The shirt will look similar, but the iron does a much nicer job.
I ran across this video, which has inspired me to iron. I have yet to pull the iron and board out, but the video is worth a look.
Friday, January 2, 2009
The New Year
I completed some significant pondering yesterday while running. When I left for the run it was lightly sprinkling. The rain had been torrential all day and I thought I was seizing my opportunity. I was wrong. About a mile and a half into the run the rain came back. I was stretching against a tree down by the swollen river as the waster began to pour off my wool beanie hat.
It occurred to me that I enjoy getting out run, bike and swim. I even enjoy doing these activities when the weather is inclement. Sometimes the weather makes the activity more challenging and fascinating. That is when I decided that it is time to get serious.
I feel better when I exercise regularly and I love to challenge myself. It is a new year and yesterday was New Years Day, but I will continue to think that this epiphany was unrelated.
This morning I put together a 16 week plan which will get me into shape for a 5k run. I will also be mixing in some biking and swimming, but I have not shaped those aspects specifically. I just want to look and feel great. And if possible, be able to play basketball on a somewhat competitive level. That may be a longer shot.
It occurred to me that I enjoy getting out run, bike and swim. I even enjoy doing these activities when the weather is inclement. Sometimes the weather makes the activity more challenging and fascinating. That is when I decided that it is time to get serious.
I feel better when I exercise regularly and I love to challenge myself. It is a new year and yesterday was New Years Day, but I will continue to think that this epiphany was unrelated.
This morning I put together a 16 week plan which will get me into shape for a 5k run. I will also be mixing in some biking and swimming, but I have not shaped those aspects specifically. I just want to look and feel great. And if possible, be able to play basketball on a somewhat competitive level. That may be a longer shot.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Social Formality
As I pondered my current situation I had an epiphany. I have been socially caught between two worlds and formally indicted into neither. I am stuck somewhere between nerd and mainstream. I do not have enough nerd friends to be part of the team, and I am just not satisfied running with the mainstream crowd all the time.
I find myself reading books, and pondering deeply the complexities of the world. At the same time I feel a need for a social network so I turn to friends that are easy to acquire. There is nothing too difficult about the mainstream. A little pop culture knowledge and a little money will go a long way. You may also need to toss in a blindfold over your conscious and a taste for liquor.
The last two months I have been on a rampage. I have thrown myself into the stream and I feel a bit empty inside. It may be my liver rotting itself, but I think it goes deeper. What I am really looking for is deep intellectuals, but I have lost track of where to find them. In this mess I turn to books, where I can always find them.
There must be a secret location and password that I missed. I know there are people like me out there who cannot help but think. They think about all level of minutia and complexity. The universe, our place, the meaning of life, and even physics. I am talking about people who are too smart for their own good, but also too conscious to use it for evil, usually.
So this is my life; torn. I want more, but I inhibit myself from having it. I make poor decisions in order to attain something that I do not even truly want. I have lost so many friends through years of poor decision and now I am left with a few valuable ones and the rest are ancillary. They are cheap disposable and shallow.
Where to go from here is a good question. I have plenty of aspirations of my own. And I have no problem pursuing my ideas solo. I know that things are better when you are around the right people. Obviously the bar would be the place to find the social easy friends I already have. I am leaning towards joining book clubs, hiking organizations, and vegetarian forums. It would just be exciting to find a person who understands just for a second one of my deep dark thoughts.
I am not like most people. I cannot help but think, and I am not always sane or correct. I will argue my point as far as I can justify it. Sometimes, even too far. I am young and opinionated. I will trade that for wise and knowledgeable in my latter years I assume. For now, I read my book, write this blog and ponder the workings of the social universe. It is a new year and some change is rightly due.
I find myself reading books, and pondering deeply the complexities of the world. At the same time I feel a need for a social network so I turn to friends that are easy to acquire. There is nothing too difficult about the mainstream. A little pop culture knowledge and a little money will go a long way. You may also need to toss in a blindfold over your conscious and a taste for liquor.
The last two months I have been on a rampage. I have thrown myself into the stream and I feel a bit empty inside. It may be my liver rotting itself, but I think it goes deeper. What I am really looking for is deep intellectuals, but I have lost track of where to find them. In this mess I turn to books, where I can always find them.
There must be a secret location and password that I missed. I know there are people like me out there who cannot help but think. They think about all level of minutia and complexity. The universe, our place, the meaning of life, and even physics. I am talking about people who are too smart for their own good, but also too conscious to use it for evil, usually.
So this is my life; torn. I want more, but I inhibit myself from having it. I make poor decisions in order to attain something that I do not even truly want. I have lost so many friends through years of poor decision and now I am left with a few valuable ones and the rest are ancillary. They are cheap disposable and shallow.
Where to go from here is a good question. I have plenty of aspirations of my own. And I have no problem pursuing my ideas solo. I know that things are better when you are around the right people. Obviously the bar would be the place to find the social easy friends I already have. I am leaning towards joining book clubs, hiking organizations, and vegetarian forums. It would just be exciting to find a person who understands just for a second one of my deep dark thoughts.
I am not like most people. I cannot help but think, and I am not always sane or correct. I will argue my point as far as I can justify it. Sometimes, even too far. I am young and opinionated. I will trade that for wise and knowledgeable in my latter years I assume. For now, I read my book, write this blog and ponder the workings of the social universe. It is a new year and some change is rightly due.
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