Social Formality

As I pondered my current situation I had an epiphany. I have been socially caught between two worlds and formally indicted into neither. I am stuck somewhere between nerd and mainstream. I do not have enough nerd friends to be part of the team, and I am just not satisfied running with the mainstream crowd all the time.

I find myself reading books, and pondering deeply the complexities of the world. At the same time I feel a need for a social network so I turn to friends that are easy to acquire. There is nothing too difficult about the mainstream. A little pop culture knowledge and a little money will go a long way. You may also need to toss in a blindfold over your conscious and a taste for liquor.

The last two months I have been on a rampage. I have thrown myself into the stream and I feel a bit empty inside. It may be my liver rotting itself, but I think it goes deeper. What I am really looking for is deep intellectuals, but I have lost track of where to find them. In this mess I turn to books, where I can always find them.

There must be a secret location and password that I missed. I know there are people like me out there who cannot help but think. They think about all level of minutia and complexity. The universe, our place, the meaning of life, and even physics. I am talking about people who are too smart for their own good, but also too conscious to use it for evil, usually.

So this is my life; torn. I want more, but I inhibit myself from having it. I make poor decisions in order to attain something that I do not even truly want. I have lost so many friends through years of poor decision and now I am left with a few valuable ones and the rest are ancillary. They are cheap disposable and shallow.

Where to go from here is a good question. I have plenty of aspirations of my own. And I have no problem pursuing my ideas solo. I know that things are better when you are around the right people. Obviously the bar would be the place to find the social easy friends I already have. I am leaning towards joining book clubs, hiking organizations, and vegetarian forums. It would just be exciting to find a person who understands just for a second one of my deep dark thoughts.

I am not like most people. I cannot help but think, and I am not always sane or correct. I will argue my point as far as I can justify it. Sometimes, even too far. I am young and opinionated. I will trade that for wise and knowledgeable in my latter years I assume. For now, I read my book, write this blog and ponder the workings of the social universe. It is a new year and some change is rightly due.